Lists and sugar

Wednesday 2nd: What have I achieved today? I wrote myself a list last night, a short one, having learned that long and well-intentioned ‘to do’ lists never work, and just get put away with horror. So, three things on the list. One I did manage to do, I wrote my piece, finally for bloc. Satisfying, and bloody hard work. I discovered I’d not made as many notes as I needed, so was cursing myself and extrapolating, and making much use of the internet. NOT wikipedia though. Nothing wrong with the site, it’s a good start point for information, but maybe not infallibly reliable.

Anyway. I wrote the piece, and rewarded myself with another walk along the front and round Pendennis. It was much colder, and my fingers chilled to blue and purple again, which has developed into an unpleasant recurrence. But Spring flowers were everywhere, violets, periwinkles and others I wish I knew the names of. Another thing to do. The little wooded paths were almost fairyland with blackthorn blossoms overhead and grassy banks shimmering green. The sea was the colour of blue steel and I sat on a turf bank to watch it for a little while.

I’ve almost completed the second thing to do, which is writing this, but one thing remains. Which shouldn’t be difficult, but is. A letter to the family of my pupil to explain why I haven’t been in touch for the last couple of weeks. All my fault, and one of those stupid things I do: instead of just calling round or ringing before I went to Oxford to re-arrange the lessons, I didn’t, I put it off, and on the day I was due to go for the lesson, from Oxford I left a message. Then didn’t call back again. Now I’m too embarrassed to, so a letter seems the only option. Except it’s very difficult to write. I need to write a lot of letters, the worst one that I keep avoiding is to my friend who I’ve lost touch with, in embarrassment for forgetting her little girls’ birthdays. I have a lot of embarrassment I think.

So that’s not done. I took back some clothes to the shops, and felt a bit better for returning a little credit to my over-used credit card. A dangerous thing to own. I really shouldn’t keep it in my purse. Town was nice, though today as sometimes, I avoided the main streets, and explored the lanes that twist and turn above and beyond the shops. There’s something intriguing and fascinating about walking up a lane or side street and vanishing. Taking an unexpected turning.

Then I had lunch with my friends, Cornish pasties and a gingerbread bunny, I threw calorie caution to the winds, as apparently, according to Jo Wylie on Radio 1 (an infallible source of course) today is Fat Wednesday, when you are expected to eat a lot of calories and put weight on. So for good measure I ate a pink sugar mouse as well. I kept its string tail in my pocket, perhaps I’ll collect them. The recklessness didn’t last though, and I stuck to a bowl of soup for tea, and took another walk. Then ate 3 spoonfuls of sugar. Oh dear.