Baking

The baking helped. I feel calmer today, and a little less stressed, even without confectionery. There is something very satisfying about creating food. I made vegetable soup and a pear and ginger crumble. this evening I have a large batch of ginger biscuits planned before I go out to a party one of my fellow students is hosting. It's felt a more satisfying day, and I've got a lot a things done. Unfortunately, some tasks have been procrastination. There are several assignments pending, and I haven't begun them all yet. So the trip to Tescos, and the laundry and floor mopping whilst useful, were not really essential. Coming up to the library was me trying to force myself into action. I guess this is the professional bit about writing, self discipline and motivation. There just seem to be so many other life things to fit in as well. i know though that I can be a very lazy person, and I'm very bad about getting things done on time. I make lots of 'to do' lists, but some items have been on them for literally years, always put off as being too difficult and time consuming to tackle just yet. On the other hand, sometimes I'm very proactive, and get things done immediately. I wouldn't have got myself here to this stage otherwise. Part of the problem may be not having a holiday for a while, two years properly. The longest space of time I've had when I've not had to do anything else; work or commitments in the last two years has been 3 days. What I do is try to snatch time as much as I can, and use days here when I'm not in college as days off. not all of them, but weekend days particularly, I like to go out and do something. Little pieces of time are not enough though. I think I've made the decision that I'm not going to work over Christmas. I'm going to use the time to plan, to write and to make some decisions.
My mum has very very kindly offered to buy me a laptop for Christmas. It's given me incredibly mixed feelings though. I'm really happy, and it will be wonderful and useful to have one, but at the same time I feel guilty that she is spending such a lot of money on me, and I feel then pressure that it means I have to succeed at this, and I don't know yet if I can. But I will keep trying my hardest.